There's A Beating Heart on His Sleeve
I’m a princess (read: Suburban Royalty) however, I didn’t fall for the lame on a horse. There was no fairytale love at first sight, Nessun Dorma (see below if you have no idea what I’m talking about) isn’t ringing in my ears and I’ve yet to figure out how to strut on a cloud. It took about 27 years but I’m finally experiencing my first (last and only) REAL love. A healthily flawed and obsessive love that consumes you encourages personal growth and breathes life into every crevice. The type of love that replays old voicemails cherishes ticket stubs and scribbles Mr. & Mrs. on notepads.
Although I resided in “perfect” suburbia, I had an altered perception of love and companionship. My grandparents separated before I slid down the canal, my parents divorced when I was two and my mother’s second marriage…YIKES! I began building my emotional brick wall at an early age. I didn’t understand boys and they had absolutely NOOOO desire to understand me. I was invisible and the little experience I did have was grim; my prom date dumped me for a crotch friendly classmate with an oral fixation a week before the dance. My second boyfriend (the term is used loosely) was a closeted chubby chaser and kept it platonic in the daylight.
Jaded by these earlier disappointments I was bitterly stewing in my own misery and had a massive chip weighing down my shoulders. I was unhappy with myself and assumed that conflict equated to a mismatch and bailed out when things got sticky…until December 21, 2004.
The day we met was a jaw-dropping experience. I was immediately captivated by his spirit and blown away at his physical stature. I really thought I was being punked. Don’t get wrong, I dibbled and dabbled over the years (come on now, i’m sooo not a pilgrim) however no one compared to his deliciously hot exterior. We chatted for a minute and I knew there was something different about him, but as usual, I stayed in my emotional rut (read: comfort zone).
Moving at a natural progression, the emotional barriers began to crumble and I not only saw him I was able to see myself. More importantly, I understood that those past hurts were only monumental in my sub-conscious and slowly started to let go. He helped me erase the pains of my past and held my hand while I re-wrote my life story. Even amidst conflict, he stood strong and refused to let me give up. He helped to realize that my grandparents and my mother’s failed relationships had everything to do with their personal choices.
We surpass the unnecessary labels of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend,” our connection is too strong for something so common. We’ve become more than best friends, more than life mates and more than kindred spirits. He’s my right side, my teacher and my gentle giant. He’s a beautiful human being and I love him for who he is and not what I’m hoping he’ll become.
I’ll never grow tired of loving him, fighting (read: making up) with him and especially growing with him. I no longer run from conflict, nor do I hide behind a brick wall. For the first time in my life, affections are met with open arms and every “I Love You” resonates with the same genuine inflections as the first time.
I’ve come to understand that although love hurts, it also heals. It has the capacity to do great things if you simply trust it without question. I kept my heart hidden for so long and now its not only beating its found a permanent resting place on his sleeve.
(Yeah, I’m a sap…so what! LOL!)
Although I resided in “perfect” suburbia, I had an altered perception of love and companionship. My grandparents separated before I slid down the canal, my parents divorced when I was two and my mother’s second marriage…YIKES! I began building my emotional brick wall at an early age. I didn’t understand boys and they had absolutely NOOOO desire to understand me. I was invisible and the little experience I did have was grim; my prom date dumped me for a crotch friendly classmate with an oral fixation a week before the dance. My second boyfriend (the term is used loosely) was a closeted chubby chaser and kept it platonic in the daylight.
Jaded by these earlier disappointments I was bitterly stewing in my own misery and had a massive chip weighing down my shoulders. I was unhappy with myself and assumed that conflict equated to a mismatch and bailed out when things got sticky…until December 21, 2004.
The day we met was a jaw-dropping experience. I was immediately captivated by his spirit and blown away at his physical stature. I really thought I was being punked. Don’t get wrong, I dibbled and dabbled over the years (come on now, i’m sooo not a pilgrim) however no one compared to his deliciously hot exterior. We chatted for a minute and I knew there was something different about him, but as usual, I stayed in my emotional rut (read: comfort zone).
Moving at a natural progression, the emotional barriers began to crumble and I not only saw him I was able to see myself. More importantly, I understood that those past hurts were only monumental in my sub-conscious and slowly started to let go. He helped me erase the pains of my past and held my hand while I re-wrote my life story. Even amidst conflict, he stood strong and refused to let me give up. He helped to realize that my grandparents and my mother’s failed relationships had everything to do with their personal choices.
We surpass the unnecessary labels of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend,” our connection is too strong for something so common. We’ve become more than best friends, more than life mates and more than kindred spirits. He’s my right side, my teacher and my gentle giant. He’s a beautiful human being and I love him for who he is and not what I’m hoping he’ll become.
I’ll never grow tired of loving him, fighting (read: making up) with him and especially growing with him. I no longer run from conflict, nor do I hide behind a brick wall. For the first time in my life, affections are met with open arms and every “I Love You” resonates with the same genuine inflections as the first time.
I’ve come to understand that although love hurts, it also heals. It has the capacity to do great things if you simply trust it without question. I kept my heart hidden for so long and now its not only beating its found a permanent resting place on his sleeve.
(Yeah, I’m a sap…so what! LOL!)
